mental gymnastics

So I have been going through a lot mentally lately....one reason I guess that I am up at almost ten and I have to get up tomorrow morning at 3:30.

We are in the process of getting ready to go to PNG and I have been flipping back and forth between being very excited to go and almost dreading it, wanting to postpone another year....

I have these visions of community, warm nights sitting around a table playing games and talking with friends, riding a 4-wheeler to market, fresh fruit and veg, the amazing climate and culture. AND THEN I think about not being able to talk to my family and friends on the phone, let alone get in the car and go visit. I mean I was thinking about it today, Liam will be 5 years old before we come back! We will have to leave our pets, and we can't explain to them why we are leaving them...The seasons I will miss...4 years of no fall colors, no snow.

The other thing I have been going through is dealing with leaving Liam to go back to work one day a week. Last Wednesday was my first day back, the first time I left him for more than a 1/2 hour. I cried on the way into town. Once I got to work it was okay, but I am sort of dreading tomorrow. My second day. I know it is good for me and for him. But it still hurts.

Well, that is all off my chest. I guess I better try to sleep now.