I experienced confirmation and encouragement during at a
time that has been, to put it mildly, strenuous, for our family. For those who
don’t know, Evan has been working 6 day weeks off and on (more on than not) for
a couple of months. This is due to continue through June. We are also marking a
bit over a year of being on furlough, several months longer than we intended on
being here. We know that we are still in the US because it is not right time
for us to return, though sometimes this knowledge isn’t enough to stave off the
feelings of frustration and sadness we feel at not being able to get down to work
with the ministry in PNG.
We also are reminded almost daily, we are the parents of two
amazing TCK’s (Third Culture Kids) who, the longer we live in transition between
two worlds, bring even more challenges into our lives. When Liam tells me, “I
miss my PNG friends, but I know when we go back, I will miss my American
friends.” Or when Julien says “I want to go on the jet plane to Uka-grumpa
(Ukarumpa) today. Why can’t we go today?” My mama heart just breaks and
struggles to know what to say.
All this has been
compounded by my health struggles which remain, so far, partially a mystery to
us going on for a year and half now.
Being in this place of feeling two steps forward, three
steps back, it was uplifting to read such insights as: “I was to discover,
however, that when I took my eyes off the circumstances that were overwhelming
me, over which I had no control, and looked up, my Lord was there, standing on
the parapet of heaven looking down. Deep in my heart He whispered, ‘I’m here. Even
when you don’t see Me, I’m here. Never for a moment are you out of My sight.’”
What a comfort! It is an assurance I am working on adding to
the running loop in my head of heartening thoughts to turn on in times of
doubt.
And what a joy it has been to be able to continue to have
opportunities open up to us to share with folks here, why we are working so
hard to return to a place and people we love, despite the wounds we have incurred
(some we are still healing from), while serving there. Often, after sharing the beauty and the pain
of our first term, I am asked, “So, you’re
going back because…?” The first response that pops into my head was reaffirmed in
Darlene’s book. Being where God wants us to be is better than being where we
are “safe”. Because the reality is, bad things happen everywhere; and bad
things happen even when you are walking in obedience to God. But walking the
road that is covered by His Will is the best thing for us all, regardless of
the risks and perils. For us, we believe, that path leads to returning to PNG
to come alongside God’s people there in their journey of holistic restoration
to Him.
Thus, I will try my best to live in the moment and place God
has asked me to dwell in now, and learn, so that I will be truly ready for the
day when I rejoice with my Papua New Guinean sisters and brothers like Darlene
when she first came into the valley of the people group she and her husband
were to serve: “I raised hands, waving to the people. My cheeks streaked
with tears, I started running down the mountainside, singing at the top of my
lungs, ‘I’m home! I’m home!’”